Search For Self

From an early age — especially as women, as mothers, as Black women — we’re taught to mask the pain. We’re taught to smile when we want to scream. We’re taught to hustle through heartbreak and never let them see us sweat.

But what happens when the pain becomes too heavy? What happens when your heart is breaking open — and nobody even knows it?

That’s where I’ve been.

Right now, I’m in the middle of a storm that most people can’t even see.

My son — my baby — isn’t with me right now. Not by choice. Not by any failure of love. But by systems and situations that don’t know the fullness of who I am or what we’ve survived together.

And still, people expect me to show up. To dance. To teach. To smile.

And I do — not because I’m okay — but because this is my resistance.

🔥 Movement as a Way to Feel Again

During tonight’s session, I invited my community to move with me.

We did a grounding stretch focused on the hips and the chest — two places where our body stores so much unspoken emotion.

With each circle of the hips, we peeled away a layer of the mask.

With each heart opener, we said:

“I release who I pretend to be.”

And in that stillness, I had to admit something I didn’t want to say aloud:

I miss my son.

I ache.

I cry when nobody’s watching.

And I’m tired of pretending I’m okay just so the world stays comfortable.

💡 The Mental Health Monster: The Mask Maker

This week’s “Mental Health Monster” was The Mask Maker — that internal voice that says:

“Don’t let them see you break.”

“They’ll judge you if you’re honest.”

“Be strong. Keep performing. No one cares about your pain.”

But I’m here to tell you something different.

You’re allowed to break.

You’re allowed to fall apart.

You’re allowed to not be okay.

You don’t owe the world your composure if it’s costing you your sanity.

I asked my community:

“What mask do you wear — and why do you feel like you can’t take it off?”

It’s a question I had to ask myself too.

Right now, my mask says “I’m fine.”

But underneath, the truth is: I’m surviving heartbreak in real-time, and I’m still fighting for my son.

And yet… I show up.

Not because I have to — but because healing doesn’t mean hiding.

It means being present in the pain and moving through it with purpose.

💪🏽 This Is Your Permission Slip

To every mother out there holding it down while falling apart…

To every person who’s lost someone, something, or themselves in the process of just trying to “make it”…

To everyone who has ever worn a mask because the world couldn’t handle your truth —

This is your permission slip to take it off.

You are not weak for feeling.

You are worthy of healing.

I’m healing publicly so others know they don’t have to suffer privately.

And until my son is back in my arms, I’ll keep dancing through the grief — not to escape it, but to face it.

Because in this warzone, truth is the weapon.

And movement is the medicine.

💖 You’re Not Alone in This Warzone

Thank you for witnessing me, for sharing your truth, and for moving with me.

If you want to continue this journey, join me live every Wednesday or visit PolePractitioner.com to connect deeper.

We heal through movement. We release through rhythm.

And together, we rise — mask off, heart open.